Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Vodka?
Forever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
