Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
