I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
