My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
