He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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