I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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