So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
