u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
