I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
