i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
