ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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