Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
