he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
