You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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