I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
