Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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