How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
