READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
