NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
