Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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