He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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