wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
