Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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