Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
