yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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