i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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