I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
