She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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