We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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