Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
