I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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