It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
