I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
