so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
