my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Mom said you looked used
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
