He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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