My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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