what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
