did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
