Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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