Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
