Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's blow job season.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
