I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My life is pants optional.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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