I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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