i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
