my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
