So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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