ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
