they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
