I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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