If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize