The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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