Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
