She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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