I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
