he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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