Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
