listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
