On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
