so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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