Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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