You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
