I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
