community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
