Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
