yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
