At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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