8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
