He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
