the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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